Personal website of Jonathan Cannovan
Posted by: In: Entertainment, Random 31 Dec 2005 0 comments

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I’ve just bought myself a copy of Wall and Piece by the painter/graffiti artist Banksy.

His work decorates the streets, walls, bridges and zoos of towns and cites throughout the world. His stencils show monkeys with weapons of mass destruction, policeman with smiley faces, rats with drills, and umbrellas.

My favourites are his latest works – Segregation Wall, Palestine.

 

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Posted by: In: Entertainment, Random 05 Sep 2005 0 comments

1.Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2.His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.

3.The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

4.McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

5.Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

6.Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre

7.Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

8.He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

9.The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

10.Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

11.The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

12.John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

13.The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

14.The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

15.Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

16.Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

17.The plan was simple, like my mate Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

18.The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.

19.He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

20.Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.”

21.She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

22.The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

23.The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free flashpoint.

24.The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

25.It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

26.He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

27.She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.

28.She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

29.She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

30.Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

31.It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Posted by: In: Random 05 Feb 2005 0 comments

This will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can’t.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number “6″ in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction.

Posted by: In: Random 30 Jul 2004 0 comments

I came across this amusing little tale in a magazine today:

“I went for an interview to register myself with a temping agency. It was going well until I was asked if I’d brought in any photos.

I was a bit puzzled but, not wanting to appear unfriendly, I took out my purse and showed my interviewer pictures of my husband, children and two cats.

He showed polite interest and then said: ‘Actually, I was asking whether you’d brought any photos of yourself for your ID card.’ “

Posted by: In: Entertainment, Random 10 Jul 2004 0 comments

cmlmgdoc456

I watched an interesting little documentary today – The Story Of The Weeping Camel.

It followed a family of Mongolian nomadic shepherds, who assist in the births of their camel herd. One of the camels has an excruciatingly difficult delivery but, with help, out comes a rare white colt. Despite the efforts of the shepherds, the mother rejects the newborn, refusing it her milk and her motherly love. When any hope for the little one seems to have vanished, the nomads send their two young boys on a journey through the desert, to a town in search of a musician who is their only hope for saving the colt’s life.

The two boys travel to the town by camel, which I thought looked like fun. It got me thinking…. A couple of weeks ago, whilst visiting my local Health Club, a helicopter landed in the car park. I later discovered that it belonged to a club member. My initial reaction was “What a show off…can’t he just use a car like everybody else?”. But the more I thought about it, I thought good for him…if I had a helicopter I’d fly to the club myself, and to hell with what anybody else thinks. If you can afford to have a helicopter then you may as well use the damn thing.

Unfortunately, for me, my current desire to own a helicopter does not match my bank balance. However, after watching The Story Of The Weeping Camel I’m considering (temporarily) an alternative form of transport, other than my car – Yes folks…you’ve guessed it – a Mongolian camel! It would be eco-friendly after all. I wonder what my fellow club members would think, as I hopped off my camel, tied it up, and strolled through the enterance, tennis racket in hand??

However, where would I purchase one from? Would it be expensive to look after? Where would I keep it? I don’t think my garden is big enough. Even if it was I think my local ‘Residents Association’ would complain that its presence breached some rule or other – spoil sports…So until I can afford a helicopter, I want a camel…

911mrdoc456

I also watched Fahrenheit 9/11 this week. Michael Moore angrily examines the Bush administration’s actions in the wake of the tragic events of 9/11. Considering the presidency of George W. Bush and where it has led the U.S., he looks at how and why Bush and his inner circle avoided pursuing the Saudi connection to 9/11, Bush’s own connections to the family of Osama bin Laden and the background to the war in Iraq.

I my opinion Moore’s films are thought provoking and entertaining. But they’re often full of lies, half-truths and exaggerations, which often destroy what little credibility he has. I decided to go to see it (even though i knew it would be a totally biased view from Moore), because having watched his last documentary – Bowling for Columbine, I hoped it would be at the very least entertaining. How wrong was I….

I have since read an excellent review of Fahrenheit 9/11, by Christoper Tookey in the Daily Mail newspaper, which puts into words exactly what I feel:

“There’s little logical structure to his rambling arguments; he has no revelations to make; and much of the footage is already in the public domain. His most damaging assertions are either unsubstantiated or untrue – often both……”

“Its tone is one of personal hatred, with George Bush the scapegoat for everything that Moore thinks is wrong with America. This gives the film what cohesion it has and is clearly meant to make its audiences feel angrier and angrier, but it also makes for monotony and a feeling that truth is being over-simplified….”

“The second half of Moore’s uniquely repellent movie is about the inevitable losses and horrors brought about by any war, and exists simply to wring tears and outrage out of any audience cretinous enough to think that bombs and bullets don’t kill people.”

“The first half is rabble-rousing rhetoric so unscrupulous that it makes Nazi propaganda films look namby-pamby.”

“Moore cheerfully and cynically crams dozens of factual distortions into Fahrenheit 9/11. But he will make millions because he’s telling the Unthinking Left exactly the lies it wants to hear. Sitting through the film is almost as depressing as listening to the people who are taken in by it….”

“Moore’s most outrageous lie is to paint Saddam’s Iraq (which, of course, he’s never visited) as an idyllic place, full of jolly, smiling faces. I suppose that kind of footage was easier to find than photos of the thousands who disappeared into Saddam’s torture chambers, or all those Kurds he gassed, or the Kuwaitis that his men slaughtered…..”

“Still, its a pity that Moore couldn’t find time to make even one mention of Saddam’s history of intimidation, murder and genocide….”

“Even if it does turn out that Bush and Blair were misled into thinking Saddam had weapons of mass destruction (and he certainly had chemical weapons in the past), even Moore should be prepared to acknowledge that Saddam wanted these weapons, had the oil revenue to buy them and was ready to support terrorism in countries other than his own….”

“The evidence is clear, but Moore refuses to see it, preferring to cloud the issues in snide character-assassination and unsubstantiated innuendo..”

“I went into this film expecting it to be unscrupulously selective and intellectually dishonest; after all why would it be any different from Michael Moore’s other films? I did not expect it to be quite so lazy, incoherent, foolish and dull.”

Read this excellent article about the so called documentary.

For further info on Moore, order yourself a copy of: ‘Michael Moore Is A Big Fat Stupid White Man’

Posted by: In: Random 09 Oct 2003 0 comments

Here in the UK it’s National Poetry Day….so in the spirit of the day I’ve looked up a poem that I came across recently, written by Martin Niemoller:

First they came for the Jews.
But I didn’t speak up because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the communists.
But I didn’t speak up because I was not a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists.
But I didn’t speak up because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Catholics.
But I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant.

Then they came for me.
And by that time no one was left to speak up.

Posted by: In: Random 07 Oct 2003 0 comments

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

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Posted by: In: Entertainment, Random 17 Jul 2003 0 comments

I read an interesting article in the Guardian today about a graffiti artist called Banksy….supposedly Britains No. 1 graffiti artist. Most graffiti that I’ve seen has been shit, no doubt done by some mindless morons. However, I wouldn’t mind seeing it if they were anywhere near as good as Banksy’s…..My favourites are his stencils. You can view some of his work in the Guardians galleries….

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Posted by: In: Entertainment, Random 28 Apr 2003 0 comments

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I was thinking about savants tonight…why?…I don’t know..I just was….anyway have you ever seen the film Rain Man with Dustin Hoffman (Raymond) and Tom Cruise? It’s a good movie about two brothers, one of whom (Raymond) is autistic – an idiot savant…..i.e. able to mentally calculate 127,458 x 23,843, etc but unable to tie his shoe laces….well I’m not going to explain the whole movie here – watch it for yourself…

But I digress, if you want to know what day you were born on then just ask Raymond. As for me….I was born on a Saturday……”That was a Saturday… yeah definitely Saturday. Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway every Saturday.”

Talking of idiot savants….who would be the first to fill-in a multiplication table and then run a 100-yard dash: Forrest Gump or Rain Man? Not as simple as it may sound….

Posted by: In: Random 03 Feb 2003 0 comments

Woke up this morning to find that it had been snowing through the night. So, I decided to go for a walk and take some pix with my digital camera.


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